The light bulb goes off

If this idea, to buy your wife a treadmill, ever pops into your head you should pull the off switch immediately and pray you haven’t caused any lasting damage. In no way should this be your idea for a surprise gift. This is a terrible idea and will probably lead to an explosion that will not only devastate the relationship but also, it will destroy your confidence in your gift buying genius. If this was your idea though, ‘genius’ is not the word to describe yourself in the first place.

Surely there are some men who did go out and buy their wonderful wives a treadmill, thinking this would earn them some much needed brownie points. I can’t imagine what was going through their head at the time but lets address it.

 

Your wife is overweight. (she isn’t)

So, you’ve decided that your wife is overweight and needs to lose some pounds before you can look her in the face again. First off, shame on you. This is your wife we’re talking about. If your thoughts are ‘Well, she’s clearly slipping. She’s lost her confidence and now hates her body so I’ll be the hero in this situation and buy her a piece of workout equipment to show her that I love her and am only doing this because I care about her health and well being.’ Let me tell you, you are no hero. You are the man who shattered her confidence even more if you roll into the house one day with a treadmill in the back of the truck and a sheepish grin on your face. More than likely, that grin will promptly be smacked right off.

If you are the 1% that did the unthinkable, well, lets talk about it.

 

Maybe its not too late

Why? The simple one word question that will haunt you all the way to the grave. And rightfully so, mind you. You actually did it. The unthinkable is now your reality but by now, hopefully, you’ve realized your mistake. Hopefully by now you’ve come around to the proper way of thinking and seen the stupidity of your crime. But sadly, the marathon machine is already on the way.

So here’s your last chance to turn this travesty around. The package arrives and your wife has seen it. She realizes what you’ve done and you are absolutely pouring the nervous sweats at this point. Well, you have three options. A) continue being a loser husband and force your wife into running every day until you inevitably watch her taillights leave for the final time only a week later. B) tell her it was a mistake, taking the cowards way out and swearing to her that it was supposed to be a bouquet of roses and you have no idea how this treadmill ended up in your living room. Or C) apologize. Tell her how stupid you were. Proclaim your love for her over and over, begging her forgiveness and pray that she has more of a heart than you do.

When choosing one of these three options, you should probably consult someone of higher intelligence than yourself as you have shown the world that you are terrible when it comes to making choices. I mean, come on, you bought your wife a treadmill.

 

But maybe it’s not such a bad idea…

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stop. Generally there would be something here to guide you to a website to where you could actually go and buy a treadmill but no, not this time. Just stop and take a deep breath, for everyone’s sake. If your actually considering this, you can’t even be trusted with a link.

 


 

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